I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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