No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
