i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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