How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
