she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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