So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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