It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
