You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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