No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
