I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
