the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
