Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
