Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
