Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
