My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
