Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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