i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
