Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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