based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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