you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
