this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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