hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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