somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
