Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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