Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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