I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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