Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
