help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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