We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
