Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
two words...techno handjob
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
