I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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