I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
