butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
