it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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