Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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