Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she peed on how many people?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize