im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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