I accidentally burped into my bong.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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