o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
