You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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