i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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