i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
