LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
