she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
