when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
