4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The ass gains better be worth it
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