we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
