she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
