hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
