Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
