I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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