i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
