I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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