I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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