I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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