Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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