I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
