I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
