everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
