i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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