he told me I talked like a deaf person
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
