Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
