omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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