You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize