I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
