I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
