windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
