There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
