sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
